euphoria_44 (euphoria_44) wrote in cousin_couples,

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Say it and I Will Listen

Hey I'm new to this whole live journal thing, in fact I just made one so I can join this community.  Oh yeah, I fell in love with my second cousin.  Okay here is my story and I hope this post helps someone out.  Oh and I will not be giving out our names or any personal information.    


The first time we met was when I was 12.  I live in New Jersey and she lives in California.  Her father and my father are cousins so he came to visit with her two daughters.  The younger sister (her birthday is a day before mine’s) was kind of a bitch the first time we met but later she became cool.  Anyways, she is older of the two and I didn’t really feel anything towards her. Oh by the way she was 15 when we first met.  We went to New York to look at some museums because she was a huge dork back then and did some other stuff but I forgot.  We said our good-byes and that was it.


Fast forward 3 years later she told me that she was visiting and I was like whatever cuz I was interested in hot shallow girls back then.  Hey come on I was 15 and what 15 year old didn’t go for the hot shallow girl lol.  Okay this time was different.  When we picked them up in the airport she looked so hot and different.  We went to look at some places and I just remember being really comfortable around her and I was always smiling or laughing every time I was around her, I felt like I could be myself when I was around her.  Again, they stayed in my place but we slept in different places.  This one time we went to my cousin’s place (her second cousin) and all of my cousins were there, my older brother and some of my childhood friends.  We were at the living room and we were watching a movie.  She was in the couch with a blanket over her and I was on the floor and I mentioned I was cold and she put some of her blanket over me.  At the time I thought it was nothing but now I think she was trying to say hey I like you too.  Anyways, the night before she left we were at my room.  My older brother and her sister were there too.  We decided to pull an all nighter and stay up all night.  We were having fun and then everyone else fell asleep and it was just us.  She mentioned that it was a shame we were cousins to be funny.  And then I said well we are only second cousins and my mom once told me that it was okay for us to date.  Then we just looked at each other.  I didn’t make a move because she didn’t make a move.  So, it was time for their flight and on the way there I sat next to her and we kept on talking.  She had that kiss me already look on her face.  Looking back on it now, I wish I did.  So, we hugged and then she got on the plane and we went back to our normal lives.  When she left I kinda feel into a depression.  I started to get hooked on cough syrup to kinda forget her.  Before she left she gave me her sn and we talked for like 2 hours a day, for everyday for like a month.  Then I decided to stop talking to her because I didn’t want a long distance relationship plus I didn’t want to get into a relationship with her since we were related.  I remember how I told her I didn’t want to talk to her anymore.  She imed me and I told her I’ll be right back and put up an away message.  She must have stayed on for like 30 minutes.  But I never came back.  So, I guess she got the message and we ended up not talking to each other for 3 years. 


So, now to the present time… well this past summer.  I was 17 and she is 21.  My brother told me that she was visiting again.  We picked them up in the airport and the moment I saw her is when all those I had for her sudden rushed back.  We hugged and went to visit the places again.  Well, I don’t want to let you how I made her fall for me because I don’t want to think about them.


Anyways she left and we started to talk to each other online a lot again.  And we started to text each other, funny story I over texted and my dad got really pissed at me so the huge cell phone bill and her mom got pissed too.  Well, anyway she went to Las Vegas and she ended up not doing anything but texting me.  She told me that she had a dream about me… u know… one of those dreams.  Anyways, she told me that she had a thing for me since the second time she came to visit.  Well, we started talking on myspace and texting.  I asked her to be my girlfriend on myspace and she said yes.  And since my dad told her dad that we were going to the Philippines in December that they should come along and we were told that we were going to see each other in December.  All this summer we would talk all night.  I remember once I went to sleep in 5 in the morning. 


Everything was going well until she started college again.  The texting and the messages on myspace stopped.  I kinda got jealous because she going out like every night.  I know that is wrong.  And I started accusing of her of seeing other guys and she wasn’t.  We would fight and make up.  We were in a cycle.  Then my dad told me that we weren’t going to see them in December.  I told her that and she didn’t talk to me in like a day.  Then we started talking again and things seemed to going well for us.  Then one day I went to Ikea with my family and I started thinking about having a family with her.  Later that day she told me that if we meant for each other then we wouldn’t have been born related.  Us being second cousins was an issue before but we always got passed that or forgot about it.  Then I told her since I live in New Jersey and she lives in California then we were destined to meet because we were second cousins.  Then she told me that she could do it anymore.  She told me to find some girl that deserves me.  She would always tell me to go find some other girl.  But I use to always say I don’t want another girl.  That is how she broke up with me.  I sent her a message on myspace and angry one and then we sent me an angry one.  Then I apologized for the asshole message I sent.  Then a couple days later I sent her another one.  I am still waiting for her to send me a message on myspace.


I thought that I loved her and she loved me too.  So yea right now I am really depressed.  I sometimes take pills to fall asleep.  I think about her 24/7.  I miss talking to her.  Well anyways I hope my story inspires people to have the courage to tell their feeling to someone (regardless if they are related or not) in person then online and to not wait.


P.S. I know this hard to read lol       


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