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|Saturday, August 3rd, 2013|
I desperately need help
Hi all, first, I just wanted to say that I'm so relief because I found this community because I've been struggling with this issue almost for my entire life. Second, English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes (as if in typo or grammar). Third, this will probably a long entry, but I will appreciate it very much if u read it and comment... And I'm so sorry if I'm wasting your time with the boring history, but really, I'm confused and this is the first time where I can be myself and just talk about how I really feel.
So, here's the thing, my name is Adelia, I'm 23 years old, and his name is Dante, he's 24, and we're from Indonesia. We're second cousin, my father and his mother is a first cousin, we share great grand-parents. I know him since I was born, we're both the first grand-children for the big family, so basically (from our parents stories), as a child I spent most of my time with him; played together, bathed together, slept together..
Time went by and I grew up into a shy little girl, and he's a naughty little boy--the age range is probably about when we're 5 until 11. Every time our big family gathered, I always avoid eye contact with him, because deep down I know that I like him (even as a child I already know that) and I was afraid to admit that. He used to annoy me, like pulling my hair or teased me, but as I ignored him, he stopped, and we were basically just stealing glances at each other when the others weren't looking.
As we grew older (teenage), we avoided talking or even just saw each other (like when we met we were just said hi and then busy with our own things). Even though I kinda remember that he was always curious at what I was doing, like when I was creating a dance routine for my grandmother's birthday, he insisted to peek at my rehearsal but I shook him off. and There was this time when I was 12 and we played hide and seek in the dark with his first cousins and siblings, and he was the seeker, and here the seeker is a tiger who hunts his prey. I couldn't see clearly, but I can feel that every time he tackled me, he tackled me harder than the others until I fell on my back, and he smells me so.. intimately (he really smell my shoulder, up to my neck, and my cheek and his hands are around me) before he moved to someone else. so, can you imagine how confused I was? lol.
After that it got back like the usual routines, said hi and went mind our own business. until I was 18 and we held this family gathering. There's this cousin (also my second), Alvian who came from distant place and I only met him once when I was 5, we're instantly became closer and he always teased me, sometimes more than he should and I could only keep quiet. There was this moment when we were at Dante's room, I laid on his bed and Alvian started talking "Ugh, you look so big. move over, chubby!" and I just laid there in silent because it's actually hurt and I didn't want to make a big fuss about it. But then Dante stepped in and said "No she's not, Adelia is very beautiful. Her body is adorable," without looking at me or him, and Alvian shut his mouth after that. Dante was really just passing by and then got into his closet.
When my grandmother died, he was there in our house. there was only me, my sister, him, and our uncle. My sister and my uncle were inside, while I was pacing back and forth from inside to my porch. And every time I moved, he moved, we're not saying anything, but he's just tailing me and i let him. When I heard the news I cried and hugged my sister, and I could see from the corner of my eyes that he was trying to approach and console me but he doesn't know how.
When I was 19 (my first year in college), we held another gathering, and this time for youth only. He brought his girlfriend, and I was trying my best that it didn't hurt. But for the first time in my life, he hugged me so tightly when he saw me, he looked at me in the eyes and smiled so brightly. After that we spent time for one night, and after the hug we started ignoring each other again until I heard him talking about our government system, and I couldn’t help myself but to tackled in, since I'm so interested and because I'm also in the student movement on the university. He looked startled and avoided my eyes, but his girlfriend kept encourage him and saying things like "See, you're not alone in this matter." And when we said good bye, that was when he saw me in the eyes again and embrace me deeply.
Time went by and I'm finally trying not to be so shy and avoid him, and I think he also tries not to avoid me. Now, every time we met, when there's no people, we hug, if there's people, I just have to kiss his hand (it's a culture thing to honored someone older). When I was sick in bed and the big family paid me a visit, nobody wanted to kiss me because I haven't wash my hair for a few days. Then he stepped in when people talked outside the room, and as he approached me I said "Don't kiss, I'm smell..." but he just smiled "It's alright, I don't care," leaned, and kissed my forehead for some time.
Every time we talked, we’re always talks about something enjoyable and something serious (like our college progress), we know how to balance it. When we had a conversation, he always laughed, looking at me with admirable in his eyes, and sometimes desirable. And when it's just the two of us talking, we can't look into each other eyes as occasionally when people around, because every time we stare into each other, we blushed and the tension is there and I guess both of us are scared about it, about what it might lead.
My sister notices and said that he treats me differently from the others, because with the others he always so playful and sometimes annoying, but with me he's really gentle and delicate, from the way he speak until his gesture, she said (and I also feel it, but it’s probably only exist in my head) that every time he talks to me he always looks so enchanted by me, and he quietly steals glances at me when I’m not looking and always looked so interested in what I’m doing, in short there's chemistry. I knew from his mother and witnessed it for several years that he never compliments a girl, like saying she’s pretty—even if it’s his sister or his girlfriend (who always told his mother about how cold he is in their relationship).
When my grandfather died, he and I talked more than we usually did. And his grandmother (not from our side) saw how I was being helpful and kind to her, when we met she said she likes the way I look and something about I’m being beautiful (despite the fact that my eyes are swollen because I cried for hours), then she saw me fetch Dante and she said spontaneously "Adelia, what if you become his girlfriend? I’m sure Dante wouldn’t mind with someone so lovely like you." Dante and I just remained silent, and didn't even dare to see each other, but we stayed there, stood awkwardly with his grandma between us. Then my mother said "They can't, they are cousin." And his grandmother didn't do anything but smile.
The last time I saw him was yesterday. Sometimes he looked ignorant, but he eventually listened to what I'm saying when I eventually talked to someone else and in the end said "What?". Yesterday my feet is bruised, and I talked about how pain it was with my uncle, Dante sat like two seats away from me, and before I realized he suddenly moved to me and asked "What happened to your feet?" It stunned me but I'm able to recover and explain, and after that he was busily looking at my feet and checked it quietly.
I don't know why but his mother keeps saying to me every time we meet "Why don't you and Dante went abroad together (for school) after this?" or "Why don't you bla, bla, bla..." that involves him. lastly she said "Hey, just graduate together!" and I said as I looking into Dante's eyes "No, I'll graduate first, right Dante?" and he's looking at me and shook his head with the cutest gesture I ever see on him. My sister also caught his mother's gesture and talked to me about her probably wants me with his son. His mother also always filled me with his relationship progress since I was 14, about how he always ended up breaking up with his girlfriend. And so far, I know that his love story was always end in a sad one, he is gorgeous, and rich, and chicks around him--and they’re all really beautiful-- just love that about him. The girlfriend I knew when he first hugged me end up running with his friend, and all that time he was just a driver and a trophy for her, and mostly it ended up like that. So I guess he kinda found something in me that he can't find in someone else.
The point is, I'm at my frustrated limit here, as time goes by I am more aware about how I feel about him and it keeps getting stronger. It's not like I never had boyfriend, now I'm in a relationship for several years and to forget Dante i tries so hard to focus on my boyfriend. It's not like I don't love my boyfriend, I love him so much but Dante always interrupted when I'm in a relationship or not, every time I met him my heart flustered and I'm in doubt, and even when I'm not thinking of him I dream about him that night, I always love him more. It's annoying and saddening at the same time. If he's someone else I could probably just tell him about how I feel. If this is really a taboo, I really want to move on, but I'm afraid that if I don’t get this resolved, these feelings will keep growing and save inside my heart even if I finally marry to someone. And I don’t want that because if I'll do that then I'll hurt my partner, and I want to fully commit to him...
Should I tell Dante? But if I tell him I'm afraid of the consequences, if he doesn't feel the same he'll probably look down on me and judge me as a weirdo, and if he feels the same, I will probably end up really happy, but what about then? What we have to do about our feelings? What about our family? What about other people? Or this entire thing is just something I made in my mind, I probably just imagining or speculating things while he’s actually never feels anything about me? And even if I want to tell him, how should I start? I don’t want to have regrets when I’m older, or loving two men at the same time.
After yesterday meeting I really wanted to cry because I feel like a sinner and like a weirdo… Why does God have to do this to me? I don’t know what to do and to whom I can ask for help.
|Tuesday, March 13th, 2012|
me and my cousin love story
i am 17 nd my cousin 18 . .. well our family members r close we keep meetin everyyear or so .. well during my prime i used to stay in gulf but when i became 12 i came to my native .well during big occasions we used to meet..( gettogether) we met bfore but none of us had any feelings for each other . we were just cousins nd nothing else. nd btw my name is a***** nd mu cousin's is n**** ..
when i was 15 my dad's side family decided to go for a trip to malaysia .. it was then i started gettin attracted to her .. well all of us(cousins) were together for 5 days .. we were on the beach side nd all of us were holding hands nd jumpin high when the waves came .. i wanted to hold her hand so i took a round about and held her hand.. and man it felt like heaven .. but i knew i ws attracted to her but i didt know was it love or not.. when we returnd all of us departed but i couldnt stop thinkin abt her .. i did not want to i thought it was bad but i realised the more i tht abt her the more happy i become .. nd later i came to knw i fell in love with her.. but i never told her cause i ws scared she would feel weird
well we met twice after that but nothin much happened
after 1 year or so family makes a plan to visit jammu nd kashmir(india) but my sis me nd my cousin(n****) stayed due to exam issues. so n**** (cousin) stayed back in my house. well we used to talk everyday late night , go for a walk for hours nd we became closer.. i never knew what was her feelings for me .. one the last day she bid gudbye nd went .. oo felt so bad
but we started chattin a lot from then on facebook :D nd then one day i while chattin i told her to pray something for each other nd then she told she asked something tat she can never tell me i am like wht she told she can never tell me nd then i told her if u dont i will nd then i mssaged i l u ..but she acted like she did not understand wht i l u means .. i told her i wont study for my exams if she wouldnt tell me ... nd then at one once she sent i love u soo mch !!!!!! felt like heaven wow i thanked god a million times ... . but she was scared cause our parents would never allow we didt know wht to do but our love for each other was true nd then on we been chattin daily more then chattin we send mssages like muah !! hug, kiss lol !! we did not meet then on !! just cant w8 gonna meet her soon in a week or so but i dunno wht to do how will i tell my parents nd hers she is my 1st cousin nd 1 yr elder plss help me guys nd tell me if u like the story i can keep sending u updates pray for me nd her guys :)
|Monday, January 23rd, 2012|
New to this type of thing.
Hi there. Just a bit about me, I'm 40, and in an open marriage. Wife and I are completly happy so that has no bearing on my other relationships.
I am new to this whole thing, but have had an attraction to my cousin for about 20 years. We recently started talking after not being so close the last few years, for a completly different reason. To make things short, I ended up telling her about my feelings and found out that she has felt the same way, tho only the last 2 years for her. We are going to start working on a relationship and see what happens. We are both married so strictly a friend/lover relationship. We are both nervous as to what will happen, although both very excited. Any advice will be appreciated, as we both are new to this thing.
|Friday, September 17th, 2010|
before i start my story i just want to say i am so unbelievably in love with my 1st cuz! and i thank god for letting me walk into his life.
ok so i'm 21 years old, i've been in a relationship with my cuz for the past 5 years, we met the summer of 2005, i went back to my home country to get to know my family because when i was a baby i was adopted, and never got to know any of my immediate family, so the summer of 2005 was when my life changed. i stayed by my biologicals mum' sister, who has 4 kids 3 daughters and 1 son, i was close 2 1 of the daughters and the son simply because the daughter was the most friendliest and the son was close to my age him bein just 1 year older then me. as the days went by me and my cuz got closer and closer i found that i was able to talk 2 him about any and everything and i started to realise that i liked him more then i possibly shud, but i tried not to acknowledge or act on my feelings simply coz i thought it was probably just a 1 way thing or that it was indeed just wrong for me to have these feelings seeing as he was my first cuz. eventually it got to the point where i just cudnt hold in my feelings any longer and i just had 2 know if he felt the same way, so 1 night we were having our usual late night chats where we wud talk until sunrise, i asked him a basic question i like to call it the question that "trapped him" lol! i asked "if i was a normal girl you met on the street would you find me attractive" now ur prob. wondering y did i ask dat question well reason bein because i already knew he must of liked my personality coz of how well we got on n we just had this instant connection bt i didnt know what he thought of my appearance. anyway he answered yes that he wud find me attractive and from then i knew it was only a matter of time before i told him how i really felt. Current Mood: content
so 1 night i plucked up the courage and told him i liked him, like really liked him, he was shocked and didn say anything he walked out the room and sat in the living room for what seemed like eternity at this point my heart was poundin out my chest coz i had just revealed my feelings for him and had no idea how he felt, so after awhile i went to go check on him n find out what he was thinkin n feelin n 2 my suprise he said he felt the same way and from there we decided to go with the flow, a few days after tellin eachotha how we felt we decided to make love and both of us lost our virginity to eachotha.
a couple of weeks later he called me into his bedroom and told me he had sumfin 2 tell me, i was so scared coz i had no idea what he was goin 2 say n he told me he loved me i was so shocked, i didnt know what 2 say apart of me cudnt believe it coz i felt we only knew eachotha like 4 weeks how cud he possibly love me so i turned round and said "u dont love me ur enfactuated" now to this day i have not lived this down lool! everytym he tells me he loves me he turns round and says nah i dont love u im enfactuated with u lool! he told me when i sed dat i really hurt his feelings coz he was in fact fallin in love with me more n more every day. anyway anotha 3 weeks passed and that was the end of my holiday, wow i remember it was so hard leaving him neither of us wanted 2 b seperated bt i had 2 go, but luckily during da holiday we kept a diary i had 1 n he had 1 n we use 2 right msgs in eachothas 1. we decided that we wud continue our relationship and have a long distant one.
ur prob wondering if any of our family members knew about us well no one knew bt we have 1 aunt who loves to stir shit n she started sayin how she thought we were 2 close n started puttin ideas in otha ppl's head so ppl started watchin our every movement bt we managed 2 stay undercover
so from 2005-2009 we continued our relationship at the beginning it was really hard doin the long distance coz we missed eachotha so much i tried breaking up with him several tyms bt he just wudnt let me n he told me i had 2 hold on n hav faith so i did after like 3 years it felt like id never see him again. but then in 2009 his sis got married the one that i was really close 2 n i was a bridesmaid so i went bk to my home country and was back with my baby. it felt so gud 2 b bk with him altho this holiday was much harder because i went with 1 of my otha cuzins and she constantly use 2 b around us and spyin on us so it wasnt as easy as da 1st holiday but we gt though it and we made the best out of it. after the wedding we decided to tell his sis about us she was shocked at 1st bt she gave us her blessing and her word that she wudnt tell anyone, in 2006 i told my sis about our relationship n she too sed wotever makes us happy.
in 2010 my otha cuz gt married bt he gt married here in the uk so my cuz/bf came over for the wedding and again we were back together and more happy then ever, except for he too came with baggage this tym so it was very hard 4 us 2 b alone and just be a couple. at the end of the holiday we decided 2 mutually break up because we thought theres no way we can do this like our family wud never accept us because during his stay over here we was gettin so much crap n diff family members were tryin 2 stop us from hanging out, but yet again we found our way thru it. bt yh we got to the point wher we just thought we shud try and just be gud friends and go from there coz if we meant 2 b we will be. the next day he left to go bk home again anotha sad gudbye, it was torture watchin da man i love leave me. when he gt bk home for about a week we just kept arguing coz we realised we loved eachotha 2 much 2 let go and to give up all da hard work we've put into this relationship so we decided to get back together and that's wher we r now, we're just trying to figure out how we're gunna make this work he's plannin on movin to the uk in da nxt 3 years and until then we're just guna keep travellin bk n forth to see eachotha until that tym cums!
our biggest problem right now is how r we gunna tell da family coz they'll disowon us :( luckily ive told all my closest friends n they've met him n been very supportive of our relationship n we're so greatful for that x
if u hav any questions or comments plz feel free to write back, it's comfortin knowing we're not the only ones out there! :)
|Sunday, May 23rd, 2010|
We Have a Baby! Why Can't We Be Together Still?
wow, ok. i was an immigrant to the US from the Philippines for 17 years, so i never knew my dad's side of the family well at all. i lived in the philippines for a few months for med school there with my cuzin who my parents were going to pay for her education if she lived with me and be my "maid" so to speak so i cud adjust more easily to philippines life. instantly, we fell in love. i really really really love this woman. she's 20 and im 23. unfortunately, i did not like school there and needed to come back to the US. so we both decided to have a baby to tie ourselves together so to speak. we did, and we very much boldly revealed that she was pregnant. so much drama happened until now believe me! a lot of crying and anger from me and my parents. rite now we are separated because i am going to find work here to support her while she's back home in the philippines, pregnant. it is difficult for her to migrate to the US, as those of you who know how difficult the process is of getting a US Visa. we try to communicate all the time. our parents still don't accept us being together, but in the meantime they are there to support us with our new coming child. my main problem now is that they still won't allow us to be together. i have told them i intend to marry her. no one but our immediate family knows about us and the baby. it's a very big secret. but it is very very hard trying to convince the family. i told my cousin to please just be there for me, never to leave me and focus on the child. i only want those two things from her. she said she will. so the drama will continue but as of now i think our family are just waiting for the distance and time to kill our love for each other. sometimes i have thought of committing suicide, but as long as she doesn't leave me, i will be fine. i have dreams for the two of us. she is still going to nursing school for 4 years in the philippines. i will wait for her i promised. while i on the other hand have already graduated b.s. biology but getting another degree in bachelors in nursing which will only take 2 years instead of 4 cause i have courses credited from my biology degree. in the meantime i talk to her online all the time and through our video phone. and with my upcoming job i plan to visit her twice a year until we're together for good. hopefully after being together for so long, our family will have no choice but to let us marry. it really is difficult. i pray all the time!
|Friday, February 27th, 2009|
I only found this site today. I am so glad to have found a site like this. I can't wait to read some of the postings from others in a realtionship like mine.
When my cousin and i were kids around 10-16 we were best friends. We lived several hours away and only saw each other a few times a year. She was always my favorite cousin. We lost touch with each other for almost 30 years. Then a death in the family brought us back together. It didn't take long before we were talking daily, and she told me she wished we weren't cousins. Because she loves me more than she should. Long story short we are now lovers. We felt guilty at first but not any more. Our mothers are not happy, but we are. I am very happy to be so in love with my cousin.
|Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008|
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|Monday, April 21st, 2008|
New and Needing Help: Looking for Understanding
Hello, I am new to the community and with that I am slightly new to Live Journal as well. I am a very avid blogger, writing my soul out word for word like an addiction. Blogging is my escape from the world I live in of daily chronic pain. I came to Live Journal seeking support acceptance and understanding, something I never had on other blog sights in which I was a member. I am always seeking friends, as I am so tired of walking alone. I am extending an offer of friendship for everyone who wants to add me. I am a very open person, I am open with who I am and I never will try to be something I’m not, I am open with my sexuality, and I am open as a submissive involved in BDSM as a lifestyle commitment with a current Master (not my cousin). Little did I know upon signing up that I would find a community like this nor did I think I could ever share my story with any one on the topic, I am so tired of keeping it a secret it is tearing me up emotionally and I hope that I will find support, acceptance, and understanding from people who will give me their friendship. My story will be contained in a LJ cut and involves something very recent, something I need help with, something very emotional to me. So please I’m asking everyone to listen and help.
This is my story…
I am 25 years old, a daughter of a preacher who was deemed pure and innocent from birth. I live in a very close knit community of 250 deeply religious older families. My only support is online support; my only friends are online as well due to my illness and pain. I mention the fact that my dad is a preacher because as you know this topic is not a topic that is supported by many people, it is even less if at all supported families like mine, sadly. The truth is, if anyone in my family found out about what I have done, what I continue to do, or what I plan to do I would be shunned from the family, I would be told in an instant I had brought shame to the family, I would be lectured years from the bible I’m sure if they knew even what I was thinking. This community was the first place I turned looking for someone, anyone to provide me with support or at least understanding and possible friendship and future interaction. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to feel, I don’t know how I should feel. Inside of my mind I am at conflict with myself, I hope that no one thinks bad at me for this comment but I find this (my situation at least) to be very erotic, yes I find it hot, yes it makes me horny, yes it gets me going.. Inside, deep inside, I don’t see this as a “problem”. But the other part of the conflict is I have been raised with values and morals of the church, I have been raised to know this is “wrong”, I would even be told I was sick for even the thought least along what I have done. I don’t even know if I am in the right community as him and I are “not” yet a couple. I am seeking help, something.
|Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007|
Say it and I Will Listen
Hey I'm new to this whole live journal thing, in fact I just made one so I can join this community. Oh yeah, I fell in love with my second cousin. Okay here is my story and I hope this post helps someone out. Oh and I will not be giving out our names or any personal information.
The first time we met was when I was 12. I live in New Jersey and she lives in California. Her father and my father are cousins so he came to visit with her two daughters. The younger sister (her birthday is a day before mine’s) was kind of a bitch the first time we met but later she became cool. Anyways, she is older of the two and I didn’t really feel anything towards her. Oh by the way she was 15 when we first met. We went to New York to look at some museums because she was a huge dork back then and did some other stuff but I forgot. We said our good-byes and that was it.
Fast forward 3 years later she told me that she was visiting and I was like whatever cuz I was interested in hot shallow girls back then. Hey come on I was 15 and what 15 year old didn’t go for the hot shallow girl lol. Okay this time was different. When we picked them up in the airport she looked so hot and different. We went to look at some places and I just remember being really comfortable around her and I was always smiling or laughing every time I was around her, I felt like I could be myself when I was around her. Again, they stayed in my place but we slept in different places. This one time we went to my cousin’s place (her second cousin) and all of my cousins were there, my older brother and some of my childhood friends. We were at the living room and we were watching a movie. She was in the couch with a blanket over her and I was on the floor and I mentioned I was cold and she put some of her blanket over me. At the time I thought it was nothing but now I think she was trying to say hey I like you too. Anyways, the night before she left we were at my room. My older brother and her sister were there too. We decided to pull an all nighter and stay up all night. We were having fun and then everyone else fell asleep and it was just us. She mentioned that it was a shame we were cousins to be funny. And then I said well we are only second cousins and my mom once told me that it was okay for us to date. Then we just looked at each other. I didn’t make a move because she didn’t make a move. So, it was time for their flight and on the way there I sat next to her and we kept on talking. She had that kiss me already look on her face. Looking back on it now, I wish I did. So, we hugged and then she got on the plane and we went back to our normal lives. When she left I kinda feel into a depression. I started to get hooked on cough syrup to kinda forget her. Before she left she gave me her sn and we talked for like 2 hours a day, for everyday for like a month. Then I decided to stop talking to her because I didn’t want a long distance relationship plus I didn’t want to get into a relationship with her since we were related. I remember how I told her I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She imed me and I told her I’ll be right back and put up an away message. She must have stayed on for like 30 minutes. But I never came back. So, I guess she got the message and we ended up not talking to each other for 3 years.
So, now to the present time… well this past summer. I was 17 and she is 21. My brother told me that she was visiting again. We picked them up in the airport and the moment I saw her is when all those I had for her sudden rushed back. We hugged and went to visit the places again. Well, I don’t want to let you how I made her fall for me because I don’t want to think about them.
Anyways she left and we started to talk to each other online a lot again. And we started to text each other, funny story I over texted and my dad got really pissed at me so the huge cell phone bill and her mom got pissed too. Well, anyway she went to Las Vegas and she ended up not doing anything but texting me. She told me that she had a dream about me… u know… one of those dreams. Anyways, she told me that she had a thing for me since the second time she came to visit. Well, we started talking on myspace and texting. I asked her to be my girlfriend on myspace and she said yes. And since my dad told her dad that we were going to the Philippines in December that they should come along and we were told that we were going to see each other in December. All this summer we would talk all night. I remember once I went to sleep in 5 in the morning.
Everything was going well until she started college again. The texting and the messages on myspace stopped. I kinda got jealous because she going out like every night. I know that is wrong. And I started accusing of her of seeing other guys and she wasn’t. We would fight and make up. We were in a cycle. Then my dad told me that we weren’t going to see them in December. I told her that and she didn’t talk to me in like a day. Then we started talking again and things seemed to going well for us. Then one day I went to Ikea with my family and I started thinking about having a family with her. Later that day she told me that if we meant for each other then we wouldn’t have been born related. Us being second cousins was an issue before but we always got passed that or forgot about it. Then I told her since I live in New Jersey and she lives in California then we were destined to meet because we were second cousins. Then she told me that she could do it anymore. She told me to find some girl that deserves me. She would always tell me to go find some other girl. But I use to always say I don’t want another girl. That is how she broke up with me. I sent her a message on myspace and angry one and then we sent me an angry one. Then I apologized for the asshole message I sent. Then a couple days later I sent her another one. I am still waiting for her to send me a message on myspace.
I thought that I loved her and she loved me too. So yea right now I am really depressed. I sometimes take pills to fall asleep. I think about her 24/7. I miss talking to her. Well anyways I hope my story inspires people to have the courage to tell their feeling to someone (regardless if they are related or not) in person then online and to not wait.
P.S. I know this hard to read lol
Current Mood: depressed
|Wednesday, October 17th, 2007|
I'm pretty new to this site...actually I didn't know anything about this site until now, lol. I don't know if this group is still up and running, but any support or advice should be fine.
My first cousin and I have been in love with each other for more than a year, and we're still in love with each other. I'm actually studying and majoring psychology and thinking of going into pre-med. It should be an interesting and knowledgalbe (if that's a word) time for me to actually learn the different ways of life and studying human behaviors....but back to the subject.
Our family is totally against the cousin relationship deal, and lately, things haven't been going so well for the both of us. I live at home with my sister while my dad is away on a business trip while I stay home and actually face the full responsibilities of taking care of myself and my sister. It's really been a great experience for me, since I'm thinking of moving out the end of this year. First year of college, full-time student, lots of studying, working as well...but otherwise, everything's actually worth it since every step I take, is another step to learning more. But my cousin...she lives with her family as well as 2 or 3 other families that live there as well. It didn't take them long to realize that something was "up" with my cousin and I. We've actually went through very very tough times together and managed to follow our dreams and goals. Now...with all the nagging and persuasion from her family, as well as the financial and social problems amongst her family, she seems more repressive of her emotions and lately when I talked to her, she doesn't want to provoke our relationship further, fear of losing her family and the stress she will face. I can tell she is sad, and I have noticed change in the way we talk (mostly chatting online since we don't want our families to know). I remember how we use to go online and be so happy that we were able to talk with each other and share what we did during the day and the problems we're dealing with. Mostly ups' and downs, but we've made it through together.
I'm actually reading some books now, some on gambling addiction since her dad has a gambling problem, others on building a stronger relationship, which I am also trying to pursue. I don't believe it is impossible for us to be together, but to her...it does. she wants to be with both, her family and me. I think we can make it through together, but right now, I'm mostly worried about her repressive state. I guess all I really need now is some support..and possibly some advice. Am I doing the right thing? I have researched alot on anything I can get my hands on, and what's on my mind, from the possiblity of being together to trying to persuade others that we want to be together, but also, we want the familys' support..... if all these made any sense, a reply would be nice. Also, an advice for me to show her how much I really love her, that I don't believe it is impossible for us to be together, would be great.
I love her with all my heart, through lifes sufferings and all the barriers that try to stop me. I could try to stand up agaisnt all those who oppose me, alone, if that's what it takes for us to be together.
|Thursday, August 9th, 2007|
Hi! I'm New!
Hi, my name is Rebecca. My first cousin, Michael, and I have been living together for four years. We have been in a romantic relationship for five years. We have a three year old son together, Clancy. I am 21and Michael is 24. Michael is my mother's sister's son. Current Mood: groggy
No one in our family knows about this. We live a bit far from our families so it's been rather easy to keep it a secret. When I had Clancy, I couldn't tell them who the father was, which was really hard for me.
I'm not ashamed of being with him, where we live we are totally out in public with our relationship. But our family is crazy religious and we know that we would be completely shunned if they knew.
I'm really thrilled that there is a community of people who don't find anything wrong with this! I'm so glad I found it!
Well, I'm new to the group, so i figured i'd write out my little story here. my second cousin and i have been together for about 6 months now, but for years before, we were acquaintences, then became best friends (once we got our licenses, hehe). he and i love each other soo soo much, and he cares about me more than anyone i've ever met. i can't believe people who think it's wrong because, hey now, if you can find me someone that treats me better, i'd have to give you a million dollars or something! it was odd because, since we were friends, a lot of my friends had met him, and a lot of his friends had met me already (with the introduction, "this is my cousin..."). so, obviously, we had to explain to them after, but i think that seeing us together as friends made them realize (and suspect) that we had an interest in each other, and luckily, almost all of them accepted us. some even say we are perfect for each other (when my best friend met him the first time, she looked at me and said, "you guys are the SAAAME person!!!" haha). our parents eventually figured it out - having a semi-long distance relationship gave it away because we were always spending weekends with each other. but they were alright with it at first, and now they are completely fine with it (my dad was slightly skeptical at first, but i couldn't blame him because it's his side of the family....not to mention the fact that they are both pure southern-italian and look like father/son!!). luckily for my dad, his mom (my grandma) practically tried setting us up! i've had so much luck with my relationship, and maybe being second cousins "helps", because it's not as close as first....i say whatever - you can't help who you fall in love with, no one can. i know i am in love with him, and nothing is going to stop me now - you're not going to say to my face how wrong you think it is and expect me to be like "oh, alright. hey, i love you but we're gonna have to call it quits because so-and-so hates it..." NO! hah. before i started dating him, i knew i'd have to do some research, both scientifically and biblically - i did...and both results came out great. even first cousins barely have any more chance of having a baby with birth-defects. and first cousins were sent to marry each other in the bible, as well as hundreds of years ago in this country, to keep money and property in the family and stuff.
i plan on marrying my second cousin someday, when we get a little older and are out of school. we've already talked about it, but know we're too young right now. i hope my success story, as well as others, encourages people to take action if they have feelings towards their cousins. the feelings will never go away completely - and you never know, they may be thinking the same exact thing, like my cousin/boyfriend, was - sitting there one night, thinking "how am i ever going to tell him/her?!?!" and i kissed him - and we both confessed - after months and months...and MONTHS, of waiting. just like that, it was over in 5 minutes (hah, or rather, just beginning!). don't waste any more time, like we did! go out and do it!!!
if you ever want to contact me, here's my e-mail:firstname.lastname@example.org Current Mood: content
|Monday, August 6th, 2007|
Hi! I'm new to this but thought I'd post an entry because it's been great to read your stories. I am in a relationship with my first cousin. We live together (we'd get married but I'm a bit phobic about marriage having already been married when I was younger). We have a wonderful son who is nearly 2 years old.
We both met as adults and even though we've been together for 3 years, we're still more in love than ever.
However, because of our relationship we have lost a lot of family and friends. It's been very difficult for us because we have a lot of family in our local area, but only 1 or 2 people have kept in touch. Even my partner's parents (who live 10 minutes away) have not been supportive. When our son was born they wanted to spend a lot of time with him, but they had a lot of animosity towards me (they believed that I seduced their son - even though it was him that pursued me!) and wouldn't listen to me with regards to how I wanted my son treated, or what he ate, using a walker etc. They also couldn't seem to be polite to me either - in face they were downright rude and because of the stress, my milk dried up at 4 months. My partner and I both made a decision based on their treatment of me and also for our son's safety, and that was that they could see our son in our home, but not in theirs. This was also based on their house being the base for a lot of wider family get togethers where drinking would loosen people's mouths and they would all get together and bad mouth us- my partner and I are referred to as 'the sinners' and my son is called ' the innocent'. I have to say, I've never had such a group feeling of malevolence towards me, let alone from my own family.
After we made this decision, they decided in turn that they wouldn't come to our house.
We haven't seen them for 10 months now. They've missed out on my son's crawling, walking, first words etc.
Anyway, after all of this drama - the relationship between my partner and I has grown stronger, mainly because aside from loving each other, we're also all we've got!
And the upside is it make us appeciate life all the more. My mother has accepted us and totally loved our son.
And after all of the hard times - we'd do it all again because we love each other and we have the most beautiful, wonderful son to show for it. And sometimes you have to know hardships to fully appreciate and know true happiness!
Anyway, that's my story.
Your posts have been great to read because I don't know any other cousin couples.
OK, that's all. I'd better go before I write a whole novel.
|Sunday, December 17th, 2006|
Hey, Well I just joined. I didn't know if I wanted to post, cause it might be a waste of time since this site dosn't look very active at all. And cause I don't want my cousin to read this. He'll make fun of me. Current Mood: confused
Anyways, I'm in love with my cousin. He's in love with me. We've obviously known eachother for life. We've been dating for a year and a half now. All thanks to alcohol! =D
I'm 18 and hes 22. When I was 17 I had an abortion, and I acually think I'm pregnant again (Damn Trojan condoms suck!). We were just found out about my parents, I'm not going to give details, cause I dont' want him reading this.. he'll just make fun of me lol. His parents found out too, and that whole side of the family. My parents promised not to tell that side of the family, and that side of the family promised not to tell my parents, so this could like blow up to a huge thing if they decided to tell-don't know how it would get much worse. Deffinatly more awkward. They're trying to seperate us but We're just so deep in love that we can't do that. And this is all before Christmas too! Its going to be a crazy Christmas, cause we spend it with the famiy.
Oh yay! *roll eyes* .We keep denying that anythings going on though.. they just strongly suspect somethings going on. We just don't know if we should still deny whats goign on between us. We already know the reaction. They'll be disgusted in us and it will be chaos. I'm really close with my family so that makes it even harder. If they don't understand We're moving away together. We already planed it out. Move Far far away. But Its going to be difficult since I'm really close with my family. This is just very difficult for us right now. But we're not breaking up. No way. He gave me a promise ring too =D
And just to clarify.. I'm not some sort of
slut. I'm am completely opposite. If it were any other guy I would not give up myself up like that. But I know what kind of guy he is (I've know him for a long time), and I know hes sincere when he tells me he loves me and hes never going to stop loving me. I just know we're not going to break up. Thats why did what I did. I just hope to God I'm not pregnant again.
And its not awkward at all between us. The first kiss was kind of confusing.. after the first 30 seconds. So if you have very strong feelings for your cousin and you think he/she has feelings towards you.. get him/her really drunk and just go for it! =p
so anyways, my question is.. well, what should we do!? Should we just be straight up and tell them the strong feelings we have for eachother? If so, how do we start that conversation..
After highschool should I just say I'm going to a university at the place where we're gonig to move and get married and keep it a secret for the rest of our lives?
But my dad would be crushed since I'm his only daughter and he wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle.
We're just so confused. We have such a close family. We dont' want to break any of there hearts. And we don't want them disgusted in us, or look at us diffrently.
Any other comments and support.. simular experencies, If you told your family about it-how they responded..how things are today with you and your family, etc. it would be very much appriciated.
I just feel like we're the only one in this generation going through this.
|Thursday, October 5th, 2006|
Ok i added something to our community profile, if you are a member here I suggest you all read it! Then post wisely.
What this community is all about.
Just a reminder here people, if you do not support cousin couples, then do not come here and call us human trash/or any other name. Go find somewhere else to post. I feel that this has to be said. I should have posted something of that effect in the bio to warn you all. You all handled yourselves surprisingly well, regarding such a post. I was expecting to see more than 13 reply's. That post offended me though, so that is my reason for deleting it.
You may disagree, but just keep your opinions to yourself, unless you come here, and want to debate without using profanity. All posts of that nature in the future, will just be deleted...so for those who feel like they have to make a comment backing something up, remember that as well.
If I didn't do this, then who knows what this community might turn into, more posts of people against cousin couples than for, which is not it's purpose.
|Saturday, September 23rd, 2006|
in response to tyler awesome....
I did actually reply to his post, but thought it may be better to actually add my own entry
It's isn't illegal (nor is it incest)
to be with your cousin.
I'm married to mine, and it was disclosed to the powers that be at the time with no questions/consequences. We have one child together and are expecting our second in a few months....and guess what? NOTHING is wrong with them, they are perfect...another misconception. America is one of the coutries that still has closed minded views on cousin couples, something that was made up 100's of years ago to curb immigration. I'm not religious, but even in the bible God commands cousins to be together.
Ignorance is one excuse for your earlier remarks, but now that you know the truth you can't plead ignorance anymore...so if you insist on keeping your opinion as "disgusting" then you are guilty of being prejudice.
|Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006|
Does anybody have any links that are cousin related that they would like me to put in our bio section? I had to delete the site for C.U.D.D.L.E cause it no longer exists, and I added the site created by Deb and Kez recently: http://kissingcousins.eu.kz/
Anybody have any other sites? They can even be factual, as long as it's related to cousin couples? Or even groups, like yahoo msn..etc.? You can post them here if ya want, and I will add them.
|Friday, June 23rd, 2006|
still in love with him two years later...
Hello, I think the last time I posted here was like a year ago, but my cousin has still been on my mind all the same. I met him and fell in love with him two years ago, and we had a long distance-online relationship that has fallen apart, and we haven't talked in 6 months, and I think he's in a serious relationship with some other girl (with the same name as me actually, can you believe that), and I still miss him, not on purpose obviously, but still. Here's my full, verbose story I posted a year ago if you're interested: (http://community.livejournal.com/cousin_couples/1122.html#cutid1/
Anyway, we did make a promise to each other to not marry for the next couple of years, and that if we wanted to marry someone else, we had to discuss it with the other person first. However, our communication has never been that great, and it's only gotten worse. I don't know if at this point I should forget him and move on, because if I do, what if I realize later that I've lost him forever, like if he marries this other girl? We haven't talked since New Years Eve when he called me, and then I emailed him but he didn't respond, so I just got fed up and didn't try to communicate. Not talking for this long was hard at first but now my mind feels a bit more clear with periodic intervals of missing him. I don't know if I should just keep it this way or if I should talk to him before it's too late (like if he marries), maybe he thinks I'm not interested in him anymore. I don't know if I could just be friends with him, if he marries, I probably don't ever want to hear about him again.
I guess I'm just asking if anyone thinks I should/shouldn't talk to him or any other general advice/comments. It's good to see that this place is somewhat thriving (or updated almost every month heh).
|Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006|
The Allure of Taboo
This isn't a question about the struggle or pain of cousin love. This isn't a sob story about how I can't be with my man because we're related.
Because we're second cousins, and we're married, and everyone's pretty much okay with it.
But here's my question: Does anyone here get a little jolt of excitement from
the very taboo-like nature of their relationship? Do any of you secretly get pleasure when you watch the faces of friends/acquaintances you "come out" to? I know I do--there's something amusing to me about the situation, probably because I haven't faced any real consequences for my relationship (I've lost a few friends, but they're obviously not worth it, right?).